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I Thought He Was Just 'Getting Old': The 5 Silent Signs of Pain We All Miss

“I was angry about the accidents outside the litter box until I read this. I didn't know he was hurting. I’m crying, but I’m so glad I finally understand.”

Words by Evelyn Reed

Posted Dec 29, 2025 • 6 min read

Cat receiving medical treatment at veterinary clinic

I want to tell you about Jasper.

He was my soul cat—a big, marmalade orange tabby who lived to be nineteen. For the first fifteen years of his life, he was a force of nature. He could scale the refrigerator in a single bound. He would chase a laser pointer until he was panting.

Then, somewhere around his sixteenth birthday, he changed.

He stopped greeting me at the door. He spent more time sleeping in the back of the linen closet. He stopped jumping on his favorite window perch to watch the birds.

I remember sipping my coffee, looking at him sleeping on the rug, and thinking with a smile, “Look at him. He’s just becoming a dignified old gentleman. He’s enjoying his retirement.”

I thought he was slowing down because he wanted to.

I didn't realize until much later—after a vet visit for something else entirely—that he wasn't "dignified."

He was in pain.

He wasn't sleeping on the rug because he preferred it; he was sleeping there because it was the only place he didn't have to climb to reach.

We miss these signs not because we don't love them. We miss them because cats are biological masters of disguise.

In the wild, a predator that shows a limp becomes prey. A cat that cries out attracts coyotes. So, they are hardwired to suffer in silence. They mask their weakness to stay alive.

Today, I want to share the signs I missed with Jasper. I want to help you see through the mask.

KEY TAKEAWAY:

Pain in cats almost never looks like crying or whining.

It looks like "slowing down." It looks like "grumpiness."

If we learn to translate these 5 subtle shifts in behavior, we can catch the pain years earlier and give them their comfort back.

Sign #1: The "Hesitation" Jump

Do you remember how your cat used to move? Like liquid. Like gravity was just a suggestion.

Now, I want you to watch them when they approach the sofa or the bed.

Do they walk up to it, look up, crouch down to jump... and then stop?

Do they do a little "butt wiggle" or shift their weight back and forth, only to abandon the mission and walk away?

Or maybe they have started taking a different route. Instead of jumping straight onto the table, do they hop on the chair first, then the table?

We often laugh and say, "Oh, she's just being lazy today."

But she isn't being lazy. She is doing math.

She is calculating the cost of the landing.

Her brain is saying "Jump!" but her joints are saying "If we land, it’s going to send a shockwave through the shoulders."

That hesitation is the moment of doubt. It is the visible sign that their confidence in their own body is fading because the equipment is rusty.

They are managing their energy to avoid the impact.

Sign #2: The "Grouchy" Nap

We joke about "grumpy old men," and we apply that same logic to our cats.

"He used to be a lap cat," we say. "Now he just wants to be left alone in the closet. He’s just grumpy in his old age."

But let’s reframe that.

Think about the last time you had a migraine. Or the flu. Did you want to be at a party? Did you want people hugging you and touching you?

No. You wanted a dark, quiet room where no one would bump into you.

When a cat withdraws, they aren't rejecting you. They are protecting themselves.

If they are sleeping under the bed or deep in a closet, they are seeking a controlled environment. They are finding a place where they know nobody will accidentally step on their tail or pick them up and articulate a sore hip.

They are guarding their bodies.

If your social butterfly has suddenly become a recluse, please don't take it personally. Take it seriously. They are isolating because the bustle of the household hurts.

Sign #3: The Unkempt Coat (The "Matting")

For years, Jasper was fastidious. He smelled like clean laundry and sunshine.

Then, I started noticing clumps of fur on his lower back, right above his tail. His coat looked greasy and separated into spikes. I saw dandruff flakes on his dark orange fur.

I thought, "Why is he being so lazy with his grooming?"

I even got annoyed with him for being messy.

Here is the heartbreaking truth: A messy cat isn't lazy. A messy cat is stiff.

Grooming requires incredible flexibility. To reach the base of the tail, a cat has to twist their spine almost 180 degrees. They have to be yoga masters.

When arthritis sets in, the spine stiffens like an old bicycle chain. The vertebrae fuse.

Turning around to lick that spot becomes physically impossible. It hurts too much to twist.

So, they stop.

The undercoat builds up, turns into painful mats, and pulls at their skin.

If you see a cat who looks "scruffy" or unkempt only on their back end, that is a flashing neon sign for spinal or hip pain.

Sign #4: The "Missed" Litter Box

This is the big one. This is the one that causes tears and frustration in so many homes.

You find a puddle right next to the box. Or maybe they stand in the box, but their bum hangs over the edge, and they miss.

Our human brain immediately goes to: Behavior.

"He is mad at me." "She is acting out." "He is being dirty."

I carried so much guilt about this with Jasper until my vet explained the physics of a litter box to me.

Look at your litter box. How high are the sides? Three inches? Four inches?

To a cat with arthritic hips, stepping over that rim is like us trying to step over a waist-high fence without using our hands.

It requires balancing on three painful legs to lift the fourth one high in the air.

It is an obstacle course.

Sometimes, they try. They get to the box, but it hurts to step in, so they go right next to it. They are telling us, "I know where I'm supposed to go, but I physically can't make the climb today."

It is not rebellion. It is a mobility issue.

When we realize this, the anger evaporates, and we just want to cut a lower entrance for them.

Sign #5: The Change in Purr

This is the one that surprises people the most.

We are taught from day one: Purring = Happy.

And usually, that is true. A cat purrs when they are safe, fed, and loved.

But cats also purr for a very different reason.

Scientists have discovered that the frequency of a cat’s purr (between 25 and 150 Hertz) is the exact frequency that promotes tissue regeneration and bone healing.

It is a natural ultrasound therapy.

Cats will often purr when they are injured, scared, or in pain. They are self-soothing. It is their internal lullaby.

If your cat is hiding under the bed, flinching when you touch them, but purring loud and hard, do not mistake it for contentment.

They might be trying to heal themselves.

If the context of the purr doesn't match the situation—if they are purring while hunching in a corner rather than stretching out on a sunny rug—it’s time to ask why.

The Promise

I don't want you to panic.

And more importantly, I don't want you to feel guilty if you are reading this and realizing you missed these signs.

We all miss them. I missed them with Jasper.

But now, we know better.

Tonight, I want you to watch them.

Watch them when they jump. Watch how they wake up from a nap. Look at the fur on their lower back.

Aging is inevitable. But living in pain doesn't have to be.

There are so many things we can do now—from supplements and heated beds to new medications that work miracles—to give them their golden years back.

We are their voice. Let's make sure we are listening to what they are whispering.

With love,

Evelyn